Your Mother Should Know

When our children are little, they come to us with a cut finger or a scraped knee and say, "it hurts, kiss it and make it better!"  And we do.  And it does, tears are replaced with giggles and our babies run off to resume playing.  And in those moments we are invincible.  We are the mother.  We can fix everything. 

Until the day comes when something happens and we can't fix it.  And we are devastated, because the magic of our kisses has always worked before. Really, we are blindsided by this phenomenon. 

I became aware of these distinctions as I sat in the waiting room of the hospital with the staff member from the Sukyo Mahikari center, where my friend and I are both practitioners in the Art of True Light. http://www.sukyomahikari.org/  Earlier that afternoon, I helped my friend bring her daughter for what would be her final stay.  We had left her husband to fill out paperwork, and we had driven back home so my friend could gather clothing and toiletries for a few days.  The hospital was great about setting things up so my friend could be in the room with her daughter 24-7. 

When we returned, the first sight that greeted us was the concerned face of our staff member.  Within seconds, before we could even greet him, a nurse came out, and confronted my friend saying, "if she dies do you want us to resuscitate her?"  My friend deflected saying that she needed to talk with her husband and would let her know.  Then she went off to look for him, leaving me with the staff member; both of us feeling a bit useless and helpless.

Knowing that this overwhelming helplessness would not serve my friend, I began to figure out  why I was feeling what I was feeling.  I did this out loud as the staff member, who was a dear friend, aware of my process, sat listening.  I spoke aloud what I wrote at the beginning of this post.  Just the process of seeing how we set ourselves up as mothers gave me some grounding and assurance, and I knew what I could say that would truly serve my friend.  She came out a few minutes later, looking very 'deer in the headlights.' 

In order to get her full focus and attention, I called her name somewhat sternly.  Immediately she looked into my eyes.  I said, "It is a year from now.  Your daughter has been dead for several months.  What is the decision you made today that is the easiest for you to live with?"   In that moment her eyes became clear and her face became peaceful.  She declared, with strength in her voice, "My daughter already told me that if she goes that she does not want to be revived or put onto any kind of machinery.   That is what she wants so that is my answer." 

Our staff member then spoke up and shared the devastating impact of the doctors driving the gigantic needle of drugs straight into his mother's heart--think of the needle scene with Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.   I was truly moved by the intimacy and vulnerability of our staff member, as the members from Japan tend to be very, very private about their personal lives.  I had the intuitive sense that he was providing an anchor for my friend so she would truly know in her heart of hearts that she was making the best choice for her daughter.

My friend left to find her husband again and to sign the 'do not revive' papers.  Her daughter passed quietly and peacefully three days later.  Her life was a gift and a blessing and she is missed here on the physical plain.

There are many structures and beliefs about being a mother which do not serve us.  They cause us guilt, or frustration, or a number of other feelings &/or behavior which derail us and leave us in a state of helplessness or hopelessness.  I am filled with such joy that I was allowed to learn and fine tune the processes that allow us to overcome the ravages of buying into all of that 'perfect mother' crap.  When you are ready to say, "Enough is enough!", I will be happy to work with you.  Freedom and ease await.


I used the terms 'my friend' and 'her daughter' in the post as a respect for their privacy and my inability to come up with fake names; it's just my way.

Who Are We?

I have been exploring the word 'consumer' as in 'we are a consumer culture' and as I looked this holiday season, I saw the festive red and green decorative call to spend, spend, spend. The red and green call comes earlier every year, and now even Black Friday has moved to weeks before Thanksgiving.  WTF?  When I picture 'consumers' what I picture collectively is a flock of locusts tearing through every environment they pass, leaving destruction and desolation in their path.  Individually, I picture massive amounts of stuff, stuff, stuff being fed into our systems and putrid piles of garbage being left in our wakes.  My new Samsung 4-G phone leaves behind the useless carcass of my LG Rumor--luckily, I was able to bequeath this carcass to my ever-lovin husband. So actually, my 4-G left behind the useless and non-disposable carcass of his RAZAR. 

I tuned into the Pachamama Alliance Luncheon live stream earlier this year.  I've tuned into TEDTalks and listened to how we are eradicating whole cultures and peoples with our insatiable need for more.   Will we ever come from replenishing as our core being rather than consuming?   What could our world look like if we buy all of our gifts on Craig's List or in second hand stores?  What could we create if we donated last year's computer to a school or last years cell phone to a women's shelter?  What if we learn  recognize the inherent value of all our possessions and see who could claim and enjoy that value when we are ready to let go? 

I am reminded of Edward G Robinson's character, 'Rocky' in the classic movie, Key Largo.  What he wants is: more; yeah, that's it, more;  there will never be enough, at least there never has been.   I wonder what happened to him that he is never satisfied.  In my 'who would I like to work with fantasy', he comes up as an ideal client.  We would get to the underlying beliefs that caused him to be so insatiable, and debug those patterns, release those barriers and leave 'Robinson's Rocky' with peace and freedom within  the core of his being.  A whole new life would open up where his actions are dictated from this peace within, maybe he would even apologize to Gay Dawn (you'll have to see the movie-HA!)  and buy her that drink.